He Really Doesn’t Know Anything, Does He?

It’s sad that we all know who I’m talking about

Many people poke fun at the current Republican president for his apparent lack of interest in actually presidenting – he prefers golfing, making speeches, issuing pronouncements, sucking up accolades from his Cabinet, bashing the press, talking tough against immigrants, denying science, and so forth – but it’s more embarrassing when he attempts to act like a president by, oh I don’t know, writing letters to foreign leaders. We were treated to this spectacle again this week, as he engaged in his version of negotiating tariffs by writing error-ridden, fact-challenged letters to a bunch of countries. Here’s one example, although the others followed this template.

So let’s talk about this a little.

I read and graded a lot of essays written by high school students over the course of my teaching career. My students were annoyed because I graded them on three factors – the factual content of their essays, the logic of their argument, and the quality of their writing. They didn’t think it was fair – as one of them asked me, incredulously, “I’m already getting a bad grade in English because I can’t write. Now you’re telling me I’ll get a bad grade in Government because I can’t write?” My response went something like this: “It doesn’t matter how good your ideas are if no one can figure out what you mean when you write them down.”

These letters are egregiously written.

First, the author seems to follow a quasi-Germanic style of capitalization. In German, all nouns are capitalized, no matter where they appear in a sentence. This may make sense, coming from this White House. The grandparents of the current President were German, and his Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy and General Factotum, Stephen Miller, is a Nazi, so that tracks.

The phrasing of the opening sentence is just weird: “It is a Great Honor for me to send this letter . . .” What does this even mean?.

It is a Great Honor for me to send you this letter in that it demonstrates the strength and commitment of our Trading Relationship, and the fact that the United States of American has agreed to continue working with Algeria, despite having a significant Trade Deficit with your great Country.

Just for grins, I fed the opening sentence through ChatGPT and asked it to clean it up. Here's the response:

I am pleased to send this letter as a reflection of the strong and enduring trading relationship between our two countries, and of the United States’ continued commitment to working with Algeria, even in the context of a significant trade imbalance.

That makes a little more sense.

Second, the opening paragraph has no theme – or, rather, it has several themes. Our relationship is strong, you haven’t played fair, we’re going to punish you, and don’t you dare try to avoid this tariff. Paragraphs are logical entities that break when the topic changes. I used to warn my students against the spatial theory of paragraph formation – it’s not a paragraph just because it fills up enough lines to look like a paragraph. I made them do an exercise I called reverse outlining; after they had written their essays, I told them to write a couple of words that expressed the focus of each paragraph. If they couldn’t do that, they needed to rewrite.

Third, the author seems to be following the “put in random commas” rule for sentence structure. Commas are used in a few specific circumstances. Here’s an example of a sentence that uses too many commas for too many purposes:

We have had years to discuss our Trading Relationship with Algeria, and have concluded that we must move away from these long-term, and very persistent, Trade Deficits engendered by Algeria’s Tariff, and Non-Tariff, Policies and Trade Barriers.

This should be tightened up:

After years of discussion about our trading relationship with Algeria, we have concluded that it is necessary to shift away from the persistent trade deficits resulting from Algeria’s tariff policies, non-tariff measures, and trade barriers

Fourth, the author randomly capitalizes entire words. In the fourth line, for example, TRADE makes an appearance. In texts and social media posts, words in all caps are read as shouting, so apparently the author wants this word to be emphasized.

Fifth, the author sprinkles exclamation points throughout the letter. This is frowned upon in formal writing, which is supposed to be professional and objective. Exclamation points are casual and emotional and thus seem out of line in a letter between heads of state.

I asked ChatGPT to rewrite this paragraph:

If for any reason you decide to raise your Tariffs, then, whatever the number you choose to raise them by, will be added onto the 30% that we charge. Please understand that these Tariffs are necessary to correct the many years of Algeria's Tariff, and Non-Tariff, Policies and Trade Barriers, causing these unsustainable Trade Deficits against the United States. This Deficit is a major threat to our Economy and, indeed, our National Security!

Here's the response:

Should you decide to increase your tariffs for any reason, the amount of that increase will be added to the existing 30% rate imposed by the United States. Please understand that these measures are necessary to address the long-standing impact of Algeria's tariff and non-tariff policies, as well as other trade barriers, which have contributed to persistent and unsustainable trade deficits. These deficits pose a serious concern for the stability of our economy and, by extension, our national security.

Sixth, the final paragraph is a doozy. If Algeria does what the author asks, he will “perhaps” consider an adjustment, and the tariffs will be adjusted depending on how nice Algeria is in response. Then, because a little cheerleading is always in order, the paragraph ends with a random statement: “You will never be disappointed with The United States of America.”

And bizarrely, the closing sentence reads like the second bill you get from the gas company: Thank you for your attention to this matter!

And before I leave this topic — this doesn’t even get to the substance of the letters, in which he continues to exhibit his ignorance about basic economics, diplomacy, and national sovereignty. But that’s a topic for another day.